How to Stop Self-Sabotage and Make Better Choices

igorkim1010
11 minutes ago
4 min read

Win the Battle Inside Your Head

Have you ever spent hours scrolling through social media instead of working on a project? Or eaten that tempting slice of cake even though you’re trying to lose weight? If so, you’ve probably felt out of control, frustrated, or stressed. These situations occur because one urge overpowers another in your mind, even if it’s not the one aligned with your goals.

The good news? You can take charge of this internal battle. By understanding how your brain works and applying a simple strategy based on the "dominance theory" by Russian physiologist Alexei A. Ukhtomsky, you can make better choices and feel more in control.

How Your Brain Chooses

Your brain manages countless tasks and desires every day. Some are about work, others are personal, and some are purely for fun. The one you act on depends on which thought or desire becomes the strongest—this is known as the "dominant."

When one dominant wins, the others step back to support it. For example, if you decide to relax instead of working on a project, your brain will find ways to justify it: "I need a break" or "I’ll work better later."

This mental battlefield is constant. Consider these common conflicts:

You want to eat delicious food but also dream of staying fit.
You want to scroll through social media instead of completing an important task.

These opposing desires fight each other daily in your brain, and the outcomes shape your life.

When the Wrong Choice Wins

If the wrong dominant wins, it can lead to regret or stress. For example:

You eat junk food and later feel upset because it doesn’t align with your health goals.
You spend hours on social media and feel guilty for neglecting your responsibilities.

This ongoing push-and-pull can be exhausting, but by guiding your mind to make better choices, you can live a happier and more productive life.

Why This Happens

Our brain is wired to prioritize survival. Actions like eating or avoiding danger are instinctive and powerful. However, humans also have higher goals, such as being healthy, successful, or happy. This creates conflict because instincts don’t always align with long-term goals.

For example:

Fear can protect you from harm but might also stop you from taking important risks, like starting a new project.
Relaxing prevents burnout but too much relaxation can lead to procrastination.

So, how can you help your brain choose the right dominant thought?

The Key: Understand the Meaning Behind Actions

Every action has a purpose. Even if it’s not a grand, world-changing purpose, it still matters to you. To help your brain make better choices, focus on the meaning behind your actions.

For example:

Why do you want to eat healthily? To feel better, have more energy, and avoid getting sick.
Why do you want to save money? To feel secure and invest in your future.

When you remind yourself of the bigger picture, your brain has more reasons to choose the better option. Instead of focusing on the short-term pleasure of scrolling through social media or eating junk food, think about the long-term benefits of staying on track.

Ask the Right Questions

To boost motivation for the right choice, ask yourself a few questions 5–10 minutes before you act:

What will happen if I don’t do this?
How long will this task take?
Why am I doing this?
What result do I want?
What kind of future will my actions lead to?

Answering these questions gives your brain a chance to strengthen the better dominant. Let’s see how this works in real life.

A Real-Life Example

Imagine you’ve planned to go to the gym at 7 PM. At 6 PM, doubts start creeping in:

"I’m tired after work; I’ll skip today."
"I’ll go tomorrow instead."
"I have work to do; it’s more important."

If you don’t interrupt this thought process, the urge to skip will likely win. But if you pause and answer the five questions, you give the better dominant a chance. Ask yourself:

What will happen if I skip? (I’ll feel guilty and lose progress.)
How long will the workout take? (Just one hour.)
Why am I doing this? (To get fit and feel good about myself.)
What result do I want? (A healthy, strong body.)
What kind of future will this action lead to? (More energy, confidence, and fewer health problems.)

After answering, the motivation to go to the gym becomes stronger. If doubts come back later, repeat the process. Over time, this habit of questioning will make it easier to choose the better action.

Conclusion

Your brain is always deciding which thought or desire should take the lead. These choices shape your actions, and your actions shape your life. By understanding the meaning behind your choices and asking the right questions, you can guide your brain to make decisions that align with your goals.

It’s not about fighting against yourself—it’s about working with your mind to create the future you want.